I am in Kentucky right now. I wasn't going to say anything, but I have some pictures I will upload to Facebook soon and people would obviously catch on. I came down for a little visit. Jeremy was missing Remington and we had a lot we needed to talk about and work out. It's strange how things are happening. It's like we are still married (well we are) but things are easy to talk about and plan. He is deploying in September, so I want to give him as many opportunities to see our son. I know they will miss each other like crazy. It was nice to see him too. I thought I would hate it, or it would be awkward, but it has never been like that for us. We always seem to pick up right where we left off, everytime we are apart. I am still angry at him though. I still feel massive betrayal from him. It's hard for me to look past what he did and what he is still doing. I didn't deserve this and he knows it. I think that may be why he is so nice to me and why we are getting along so well.
I am currently sitting outside with Remington, while he plays in the sandbox. The weather here has been amazing everyday I've been here. It's like it knew I needed it to be. I am sitting at my patio set that Jeremy bought the weekend he came home from the "trip". He knew when we were buying it that he shouldn't. He told me when we were standing there picking it out that it was killing him. I asked why he didn't just tell me. He had no answer. He knew what he was doing was wrong, he was just afraid to hurt me like that. He was right. He completely shattered my universe... and Remington's. Replaying that whole weekend in my head makes me sad. He came home as if nothing was different. He even kissed me and made love to me. He even brought me back a present. A matching Vera Bradley wallet to go with my new purse I had just got. I still don't understand. I probably never will. I talk about moving on and having more babies one day and he gets upset. How fair is that? Ugh. It's all so confusing. Time is the only thing I have to look forward to as far as healing at this point.
I love you all.
Good luck sweetie!! I saw your facebook post about playing outside and I was confused as it is raining here. Now I get it. :) And tell Jeremy that I think he is a poo poo head!
ReplyDeleteThe saying goes "You never know what you've got until its gone." I think that he is starting to kick himself in the arse for what he did. Thinking about you being happy with someone else & having the family that the two of you were supposed to have together is eating him. & he is right to be upset. He lost an amazing wife & the joy of coming home to his gorgeous son everyday. That is his bad, not yours. Love you so much girl. Next time you are here we should get together for a playdate.
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