Not ready to say goodbye.

I am leaving tomorrow.

I sent Remington back with my mother Thursday. I have missed him dearly, but this time alone has been much easier on me. Jeremy and I have been getting along. I want to do this clean. As much as he doesn't deserve it, I want to do things the right way.

I am leaving tomorrow morning. I am dreading the moment I have to say goodbye to him. I know he is too. I don't think he realizes the immence pain he is going to feel when he walks back in that door and we are gone. Forever. Unlike him, my heart doesn't get to move on right away. He gets to be happy and live the life he wants, while I am being forced to pick up the pieces of my broken one. I am doing ok today and yesterday was a very good day but I know once I get there, I will have to relive the pain all over again. I will be completely on my own. No more family days, no more daddy tickling baby while we all cuddle in bed, no more us.

This is still all so surreal to me. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I want to move on. I will be praying and hope you all will too, for my strength and Jeremy's tomorrow.