I wish I could say today was a good day. But just like the whole past week, it was a blur. We did spend a ton of time outside. I went for a run this morning. It was incredible. My goal is to lose 20 lbs. by the Fourth of July, when we go back to Kentucky for a visit. Remington played so hard in the water.
I am still numb. I just don't get it. I really had no clue how hard it would be. I feel panic all over, all the time. I want it to end. My Grandfather came over tonight and gave me a blessing. I felt comfort just in his hug. There was a point when I thought he may end the blessing but he kept going. It was odd, but once he kept talking, I knew it was needed. I really want to have faith again. Faith and trust. Right now I feel very insecure and alone. I feel like I could have been better and maybe he would have wanted me and not this. I feel like I was a disappointment. I know everyone will say I'm not and I know a lot of people just don't get it, but at this point it is how I feel. I am so scared of being alone forever, yet I have no desire to find love again right now. Ugh... this is all so confusing and scary.
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