I've hit a wall.

I feel like things have just stalled. For the past 6 years, I have always had something to look forward to. Some big event coming up. But right now I am stuck. Work was going really well but I had to quit. My mom's husband took a job and I won't have a sitter for Rem at 5 am. It was a rough shift for a single mom of a 2 year old. My boss was super understanding though. I feel like it's best right now. I am going to enjoy some time off and maybe look for something soon.

As far as how I'm feeling... I feel trapped. I am beginning to get used to living in this small town again and getting used to how things are now. It's scaring me. It is making me nervous. My mood changes drastically day-to-day and I feel overwhelmed. The strange part of it is that I have no reason to. Jeremy and my mom are happy to take care of Rem and I and make me feel safe and that I don't have to worry. But I do. Things with Jeremy and I are going well though. We have really been trying to work on treating each other better and trying to make each other smile. The random texts and talks are very reassuring. He told me the other day that someday soon we will find the love again that we used to have for each other. I am going out there next weeked. Just me. For just a couple days. We really need some time alone. It will be great to have him next to me again. Each time we see each other and each day that goes by, we are getting a tiny bit closer and a tiny bit better. I really feel like we have a good chance of working this out. I am going to stay here still though. He is deploying soon anyway, so we are going to take the time apart as an opportunity to save money. I think the distance makes us stronger too. We look forward to the next time we will see each other and appreciate it. Missing someone can make you love them a lot more. (just a little something I have learned) My biggest worry is just getting through these next few months. I still have a hard time trusting him. He has promised to stay faithful and committed. I believe him, but him actually doing it will be what makes me trust him. People screw up. I get it. But if they are willing to admit when they're wrong and move forward, I believe in second chances.

Remington is doing well too. He asks for daddy a lot but for the most part, he is perfectly fine. He is OBSESSED with my mother and her husband. He loves them so much. He is also getting closer to the family too and my best friend. Everyone adores him. I told Jeremy just last night that my friend Olivia loves him a lot. His response was "how could anyone not". It made me smile :) He is so right. Remington's smile and spirit are filled with love. He is crazy right now. So hyper and emotional, but watching him and seeing him change is amazing. He will be 2 next month and my little boy is growing up. A lot of people feel sadness about their children getting older but I don't. I'm sure I will one day but right now I am really looking forward to it. He gets more fun everyday. I love him.

And I love all of you too. Your prayers and continued support are very appreciated.