And then there were 2... again.

Well Jeremy just left. He came in for the weekend since he was off work. I know a lot of people have questions/concerns/curiosity, so I will do my best to explain what I can.

We are still a family. We still want to be. It's strange when we are around each other. It's like nothing is different. He is no longer with this other person, nor does he want to be. I think he realized that it was a bad choice and not what was right. That being said... him and I are going to take this time apart to make some changes. We are going to try things again in a few months. He is leaving in September anyway for a short deployment so we want to see how things are when he comes home. The time apart will either make us or break us. As of right now, we are both hoping for the best. We are hoping that someday soon... we can be together again and raise our son as a whole. He deserves that. I deserve that. Jeremy deserves that. I know a lot of you probably don't understand. But I hope that you can put yourselves in my shoes before you judge my decision. I realize what he did was horrible and wrong. But it isn't unforgivable. One quality I have that I am proud of is understanding. I understand temptation, I understand mistakes, and I understand us. He was my world. I wouldn't have made all of the sacrifices I made if I didn't want to be with him. And don't get me wrong... I am not letting him just get away with this. There are many stones we will have to cross in our road along the way. And neither of us know what the outcome will be. Whether it ends with us together again, or apart. But I am very happy in the place we are right now. I think we have set ourselves up for achievement. Either way this ends, we both still love each other very much and will raise our son the best way we can. Together. We don't have to be lovers to do that. So for now, we will just take this time apart to learn to appreciate each other. We are already doing that actually. He realizes now what he lost. And he knows it will take time to get it back. Time and committment. I am willing to forgive and move on, but he needs to forgive himself too. That is just as important as my forgiveness. He has a lot of guilt right now. A lot. But thankfully he has rid himself of the reason and he can move forward now. He needs to do this for himself. Not for her, not for me. Just him. There is this song called "whatever it takes" by Lifehouse. It really reminds me of him. There is a line in it that says, "you gotta love yourself if you can ever love me". It shows so much truth in our situation. I can't save him anymore. He needs to do what he can for himself before he can ever love Remington and I fully.

So in Missouri I will stay. At least for now. He is coming back for Remington's birthday in August, then leaving in September. We will remain husband and wife and be there to support each other and make decisions about our son as a team. And maybe when he comes home and things settle down, we will possibly see how things are again. If not, that's fine too. We still love each other and have the best connection, our son.

I hope you all had a fabulous holiday weekend. We spent it 100 % of the time together. It was great. Remington was so happy the whole time and LOVED his daddy being here. Now we are off to a BBQ with family as Jeremy travels back to Kentucky. I love you all and thank you for your continued support.