Finally able to breathe.

Well Jeremy made it home. I came back to Kentucky a week before he got here. It was the longest week of my life! But being back here and sleeping in his bed brought me so much comfort that I hadn't had in awhile. The night he came home was so special. Remington instantly went to him. I was worried he would hesitate because he is very attached to me but he didn't. He remembered him and they have been attached at the hip since. And really, so have I with him. He looked so good, smelled so good, and felt so good. It is a feeling that you can only understand if you've been through it. Deployments are rough and to put a seperation on top it, I can honestly say I was at the lowest point in my life. But now, I am at the highest. I have not been this happy since he came home when I first had Remington. This is the best feeling and I am so scared it will just get ripped away from me. But I cannot think that way. I am going to enjoy every moment, every second, every memory the three of us have.

We have been house hunting too. We have some really great possibilites and are hoping to be in one by the new year. December is my favorite month so I am very excited to see what comes. Adding buying our family home to it just makes it so much better.

I want to take a moment and thank all of you for your support. 6 months ago I never could have imagined coming this far. Even if we hadn't have worked our marriage out, I would have been just fine. But I am stronger, happier, and actually looking forward to the future now. None of this would have been possible without your love and support and our Heavenly Father's guidance. The power of prayer is an amazing thing. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope your holidays coming up are amazing and memorable for you all.

I will keep updating on our life as it goes. I love this blog as it gives me a chance to just express myself and hopefully help others find strength in their times of despair.

Time to be thankful.

Well we should be thankful all year round of course, but this time of year is, like a lot of folks, my favorite. It is a chance to reflect on the past few months and realize all the blessings we have and what we would like to forget. Cough Homewreckers cough ;)

Rem and I will be heading back to Kentucky in just a little over a week. Jeremy will be there shortly after. My last few days at my job were great. They were sad to see me go and wished us well. It felt nice to work again and have a life outside being a mother. I plan on working again once we get moved and settled in. It made me feel normal. Not that I don't love staying home with my son, but I like to have other people around and contribute to the work force and help provide for our family. I know Jeremy appreciated it too, even though he is glad I quit so that we can be together again.

These next few days are going to be rough. I have LOVED my life here. When I was forced to move back here I never thought I would get to this point. I felt like my life was over and ruined at the hands of another human being. Never again will I let anyone decide my path for me. I could have stayed here and lived my life with Rem, I know that now. I am so much stronger than I was 5 months ago. And for that, I am thankful. I have learned more about myself and others than I ever thought possible. I have learned that people will hurt you and not care, as long as they are happy. I have learned that my family and friends can heal me. And that I NEED them. I will never ever take them for granted again. And I hope they all realize that. Even if I don't find enough time in my crazy days to tell them. I would love to say that I wish none of this ever happened but I would be lying to myself. I know what I want now and I am not going to settle for anything less.

Jeremy keeps telling me he will never let me go again. That is comforting. It makes me feel special again. I feel like we are fresh again. We can be honest with each other better than we ever have been. And we now see the boundaries that we need to not cross. We both understand each other's need for space and love. I finally feel like we are in a good place. We are still going to take things slow and try not to plan things. We rushed everything we did before this. Even having a child. We are blessed to have him but need to slow down, for him too. He needs a stable home, parents he can trust, and parents that love each other too. I want him to look up to Jeremy and I and want good things for himself too.

Anywho... I will update you all when Jeremy comes home. I always get nervous when it's on this downward slope. I can't wait to see him again and kiss him :) Remington is going to FLIP when he sees him! I will definetly take pictures so my Facebook friends, be looking for them SOON!

Things are finally happening.

I put my two-weeks notice in at work today. It was a very bittersweet moment for me. I really love this job and the kids and everyone I work with, but Jeremy will be home soon and we need to be back there with him.

I am so happy that we are going back. I miss Kentucky and most of all miss him. He recently told me that he feels so stupid for what he did. He is really trying and going out of his way to make me know how serious he is. It means a lot to me. I recently calculated the time he has been with and the time he has been away from Remington. It broke my heart. He has been away from him more. I am glad he realized what his priorities are and is starting to put us first.

I can't wait to be with him again. Right before he left things were so good and I miss him so much. I need to be able to feel him again every night and kiss him whenever I want. I don't want a day to go by that we don't remind each other of how much the other one means to us. He texts me a lot just to tell me how much he loves me or says something sweet or sends a song lyric. I feel like we are newlyweds again. And we all now how amazing that feeling is ;)

So we will head back down there withing the next few weeks. Then spend the holidays with family here and slowly get all of our things back. I am hoping we can get into a house by Christmas. It is going to be fun to house hunt again. I will keep you all updated and hope things are going the best they can for all of you. Love you all!

Four times is four times too many!

Jeremy is deployed... again. This is number 4. And the anxiety and sadness is just as bad. But thankfully this is a short one. He will be home much sooner and we will FINALLY be a family again. I cannot wait. Before he left we agreed that we are both so happy with the place we are at. He is really trying to change the things he needs to, to make us better and so am I. We both acknowledge our efforts and keep each other going. I think this is the strongest we have EVER been.

Last weekend we met halfway for a night and it was so much fun. Our hotel had an indoor pool and Remington loved every moment of it. It was so needed and perfect for all three of us. Jeremy and I held each other so tight as we said goodbye. I knew in that moment that we were good. That we were right where we need to be again. That we were a family. He told me it scares him that he almost lost me. And truth be told, it scares me too. I don't know how I would have moved on and I am so thankful that I didn't have to.

I don't really have much to update. Work is going good. It is a very challenging job, but I must admit to loving it most days. These kids have opened my eyes to a whole new world. I love all of the experience, knowledge and memories I am gaining from all of this. The Lord has a reason for all he does and I try to remember that and stay grateful for this, even though it caused so much pain. I am a new person with a new outlook on life... all because of this. I can't wait to see what OUR future holds.

Colder weather is approaching.

Wow. Been awhile, huh? Boy has this last month FLOWN by! Jeremy and I have been together for almost a month now. He was on leave and it was amazing. It has been the best time of my life recently. Him and Remington had a blast together. R and I just got back from our last weekend with him for awhile. He is about to go overseas and we won't see him for a couple months :( I got so used to having him around again and now I am sad again. But thankfully it's just a short time away. Then we will have the holidays with him and move back there sometime at the beginning of the year.

Jeremy and I have become so close again. It has been so nice. We are taking things slow, but very seriously. I am finally starting to forgive him and trying to move on from what happened. We both want the same things now and we are so positive about all of it. Remington just turned 2 last week (and had an awesome Yo Gabba Gabba party) and I think it was a very eye-opening time for both of us. We are a family and being together and happy is what is most important right now. We even planned our 6-year wedding anniversary trip this year :) It is in December and we want to get away for a few days, just the 2 of us. I can't believe it's already been that long! Where did those days go? I feel like we were just 16, riding around together in this small town. Crazy!

And for those of you wondering... My job is going really well. I am working at an elementary school and it's very rewarding.

Anyway... I hope all of my friends and family are doing good. And I ask for your prayers as him and the rest of his guys deploy. It is always such an anxious time and I hope my mind can be at ease. Working and taking care of Remington is really going to help pass the time. I love you all!

Ok, Ok, I caved :)

I can't believe how many messages I got about deleting this. I decided to bring it back because I feel connected to all of you that read this. And I am going to leave up my last post because it was my true feelings at the time and I do not believe in regret.

Long story short, we are back together. We are going to attempt to work out our marriage and we are determined to make it last. After all of that happened 2 weeks ago and my posting about it... things changed. We talked a lot of things out and I went down there for a weekend to see how things were. He ended up coming back with me since he is on leave right now. It has been nice to be a family again. Remington is so happy when he's around. He is happy anyway, but with his dad, it's a different kind of love. I am sure all of you parents understand. And if you're wondering about my job and what we are going to do.. it's simple. I am going to stay here living with my mother and work. Jeremy and I have a lot of debt and this extra income will help a ton. Then at the end of the school year, Rem and I will move back there with him. We don't want to jump right into things just yet anyway. Taking it slow and learning to appreciate our time together will help mend the wounds between us.

I know a lot of you won't understand this. And that's fine. But I hope that you will put yourself if my shoes. Imagine the love you have for the person you are with. We have a history and a family and people make mistakes. He needs to learn to forgive himself before I can forgive him. Forgetting is a whole other issue though. That is what I am having a hard time with. But everyone keeps telling me just give it time. And that is what I have to do.

I don't want to make this some long, drawn out post. I love you all so much and hope that you can continue to support me.

This is it.

One thing that has amazed me through all of this is how FAST things can change. With that being said...

We are done. Yes, for real this time. Just when I let him back in and just when he had told me he loved me again. It's over. I may have been a bitch at times, or nagged him when he didn't deserve it but one thing I can proudly say is that I did not deserve this. Anyone that knows me can tell you what a committed, amazing person I am. I will not however, be used. Or lied to. Or taken advantage of. This has been a very rough road for me to FINALLY see what needs to be done. I hate letting go of him. I hate the thought of being alone, at all. But being with him is the wrong choice. I am glad that I can admit it now. It hurts like hell and will for a long time, but oh well. It had to be done.

And for you, you homewrecker. Yes, I said it because you aren't worth your actual name being said... It was only a drunken text. That's all you're worth. I hope next time you decide to try to find a man that he ISN'T married and that you don't ruin ANOTHER family. Now move the hell on with your life and stay outta mine. Even though him and I are done, if I find out you are in the picture ever again, you both better pray I am in a good mood that day. You were lucky I was in a good mood until NOW. Screw off and quit reading my blog, creeper.